Breaking Chains

I have to admit that this is one of the hardest posts for me. But God has put it on my heart to share it with you, and I pray that this will be for His glory. 

I always was a little confused. 

Identity is so important for everyone. It is made of many things: where you’re from, your family, your age, what you do, what you believe, your culture, and so much more. My identity is not an easy thing to explain. Because I’m a daughter of missionaries, I was born and grew up in Colombia till the age of 14. What’s hard is that my passports and other documents (emphasis on the last ‘s’) say that I am a Colombian, but they also say I am an American. I grew up in and with two cultures: that of my parents, and the Colombian culture. On top of all that, both of my brothers and my sister were born in Peru, so not even they can say they have the same identity I have.

Because I am the daughter of strong Christians I always heard about God and Jesus and what He did for me on the cross. At the age of five I prayed “the sinner’s prayer”. I asked God to forgive me, and told Him that I wanted Him to live in my heart. The problem was that  I didn't really believe that He saved me. It wasn't till many years later, between 10 and 11 years old, that I really understood what God did for me. Now I know that Jesus came as a humble child, and when He was a man, even though He never sinned and led a perfect life, He died… yes, died… on the cross and paid my debt for my sins. Three days later, He rose and now is preparing me an eternal home. What He has taught me, and is teaching me is that my identity isn't in my passports, family, or my country, rather, it’s in the work HE did on the cross. Now I am the Heavenly Father’s daughter and that is my identity. I don’t have to worry because I am here in this world only for a short while, but I will be with my God and Savior eternally.

Lyrics: "Do You Wanna Be Well?" By Gaither Vocal BandPhoto: By Me; In San Felipe Fort, Ferrol, Spain

          Two weeks ago I gave this testimony in church (in Spanish of course). A week before that, I gave it to the OM house. Both times I felt a strong heaviness in my heart. Actually the first time that I gave it, I was reading off my computer screen, and it caught my reflection so when I saw it, something inside of me was repulsed. As I continued to read it there were thoughts running through my head saying, “Yeah, you may be God’s daughter, but you’re not much to look at. Yeah, you may have eternal blessings, but look at your life. You've failed so much, and you will continue to fail and you won’t accomplish much. You’ll get to heaven, but God won’t be able to say ‘Well done my good and faithful servant.’” And on and on they went. As I've done for so long, I brushed those thoughts away, not to never think them again, but just so that I wouldn't have to worry about them at that point. The next week, that Sunday, knowing that I would be giving this testimony again, those thoughts and lies came back. When I gave my testimony the Pastor’s wife came up to me and said, “I know God has great plans for you.” To which my reaction was “Uh huh, yeah.” After church, we came home, and I began cleaning the oven. (At this point I anticipate my parents are going to drop dead.) But it was a shiny oven by the time I was done, and in the mean time, Eli came in and started talking to me. Actually, she started listening to me as I began telling her what was going on in my heart and mind. She then said that she’s noticed those lies in my heart because I don’t see myself as others see me. That was just step one.

The team: Growing, learning, getting stronger.
From L to R: Thomas, Jeser, Me, Eli, Oli, Erin, Dani

          That Tuesday one of the girls felt led to call us out and be open with God. It’s so easy, I've learned, to simply ask Him for little things, and to tell Him the little things that are on our hearts, but we don’t give Him our whole hearts. We become so attached to the pain and the chains that we’re afraid to part. Silly, isn't it? I then proceeded to confess my heart to God. I confessed my pride and selfishness, and asked – pleaded, rather – that he change my heart according to His own. Slowly and surely God answers when we ask, He’ll open the doors when we knock, and He’ll show answers us when we seek. That week, (two weeks ago) He began opening doors, breaking chains, and chipping away at the ice-boxed heart of mine. You choose the metaphor because they all apply. He's both breaking and healing me. That may sound like a contradiction to the world, but they do go together. He’s showing me that it’s not about His law that I try to follow on my own, but it’s about His grace that allows me to glorify Him. The cross is freedom to the weary soul. (Step 2).

Our back yard

          The next Sunday I was outside listening to music and reading when some of the group came out and said, “We’re going to pray, you can join us if you like.” So I did. I sat there as they started praying, and I sat there as they started declaring truths, and I sat there as they praised and worshiped God. Eventually, I got up and made tea, tired of not praying. Something inside of me said that I had to go back out. I’m glad I did because it was then that I asked for someone to pray for me because I couldn't. The reason I couldn't pray was the fact that my heart was heavy again with lies penetrating my mind. It was as if there was a soundproof box that encased me stopping any prayer from leaving this prison I was in. As she prayed for me, she told me to start praying too. She told me that it might take time, but eventually I would be free to pray, praise God and declare truths. As I started praying I asked God to break the chains that were holding me away from Him. He already saved me, but now He’s looking for a genuine relationship with me. I knew this. As I was praying, I began sobbing. I saw how chained up I really was, and how many lies were holding me back. I cried calling God to break me, I cried as I declared His goodness, and I cried as my heart ached and yearned for freedom. Suddenly, the girl behind me started saying, “Come dance with me, let me love you, let me set you free. Talk to me, I want to know you, I want to love you, come love with me.” At this point I knew it wasn't the girl who was talking, but the Holy Spirit through her. “You are mine,” she continued, “You are mine! I’m here for you, come to me.”

          Just then I was able to declare freedom! I was able to say that Satan has no power over me. He can’t hold me back with chains, because Jesus paid my complete and total ransom when He died on the cross! The next day Erin said that I couldn't stop smiling (which was true). There is a greater peace in my heart, and a greater freedom.

          This past week, however, has been a really hard one for the team. Even though we are claiming great – and I mean Great – victories, we are also all struggling. So even though I've claimed new freedoms, that doesn't mean I’m not still working hard to identify lies and get them out of my head as I find my identity in Christ. On Wednesday morning there was a heaviness on all of our hearts. I was prepared to spend the day feeling sorry for myself and having an awful day until Eli prayed, “God today we choose joy.” The thought of choosing joy wasn't necessarily new to me, but I had forgotten about it for a while. It’s like the Psalms say, “The joy of the Lord is my Strength.” So that whole day, while we were feeling this heaviness we were also praising God and giving Him thanks and because of that He gave us the strength to work through that day.

We, as Christians will always be struggling. As Erin said, if you’re not struggling it means that Satan doesn't care about you, and if Satan doesn't care about you, it’s because you’re not working for the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, we can reach mountain highs and not feel any pain at all, but also remember that at some point Satan will attack. So through all of this, God has proven to be at work. For this we praise Him. Just as Paul described His sufferings in Philippians with praise and thanksgiving, so we do the same, knowing that God is still God and He is playing out His good and perfect will.

So thank you all who are praying for me and my personal growth. I know God isn't done with me, and I don’t think He ever will be, but I know that I’m just that much closer to Him.

Please continue to pray for us:

1)   Pray that we can allow God to work in our hearts.

2)   Praise Him for the victories He’s made in our lives.

3)   Pray that we would prepare well for the 6 day walk that’s coming up much sooner than I’d like to say.

4)   Praise God that we've been able to hike when and where we've gone.

5)   Pray for the church here, pray that they would be able to start an adolescent group for any in-between kid.

6)   Praise God for His goodness.

7)   Continue to pray that OM Spain gets a van that is desperately needed.

8)   Praise Him for the car that we do have.

9)   Pray for team unity. We've come so far, but it’s easy to let things slip here as we might let our guard down.

10)Praise God for each team member because He brought us together for so many reasons.

Thank you all

God Bless.